Neatrualizing arguments

About once a week I get a news letter from love and logic. Today's news letter was so great I decided to share with you. (Feel free to subscribe to the L&L news letter at loveandlogic.com)

"We've all been there: You're talking to a friend or mate and suddenly, almost without warning, you feel it. The twinge. The quickened heartbeat. The feeling of exasperation, defensiveness, and the intense desire to strike out.

Intimacy - or "into me see" is dangerous business, not for the faint of heart. Allowing another person to see the real you takes courage. The risks are having your feelings hurt. The rewards are having someone close to you.

One of the many challenges of relating is the dreaded argument. We've all been there, done that. Can you remember the last time you were having a cordial conversation with a friend, colleague, or mate, and suddenly, almost without warning, tempers flared and harsh words were spoken? You didn't plan it. It just happened!

What if there was a tool you had ready to use in such a situation? Would you use it? I'll bet you would. The next time you're in a situation where you feel attacked and want to lash out, I want you to try this experiment:

1. Stop! Yes, I know this sounds simple, but I want you to practice it. Stop! Rather than say anything, or do anything, I want you to simply stop.

2. Look. Take a moment to look around you. Notice where you are and what is happening.

3. Listen. What is being said? What was it that got you ramped up? Were you accused of something? Did someone talk about you in an unkind way? What happened?

4. Step back. Take a break. Breathe. Create a bit of distance between you and the other person and the tense situation.

5. Set a boundary. Tell the person, "I care about you too much to argue with you." Now give yourself some time to process what is happening. Let them know you will talk to them about the situation once you feel comfortable again.

The "Love and Logic Relater" maintains control over themselves, not others. They know they cannot stop another person from saying or doing anything, but they do control themselves. The next time you're in a tense situation, stop, look, and listen. Pay attention and from that position make healthy choices about what you want to do. You'll be glad you did.

Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.

Dr. David B. Hawkins Co-Author: Love and Logic Magic For Lasting"

Happy parenting!