The Heart Ache and Joy of Love and Logic

Today I have a perfect example of parenting with love and logic. I have a two year old at my house during the day. We'll call him Hawking because he is a stinkin Genius. I love Hawking as much as I love my own daughter, mostly because I have been watching him since he was 8 weeks old, but also because he is really cute and funny. Usually.

For the last few days he has had a cold. For some reason when Hawking is sick he turns into a honey badger. (Most vicious animal in the animal kingdom) He cries at everything, ignores instructions, and refuses to sleep which just makes him more cranky. He is extremely good at pushing my buttons and rocketing me to level 11.

see: severe on this awesome scale from my favorite Mommy Bloggers.

So today I decided to try to be extra nice to him. Extra cuddles, Phineas and Ferb Marathon, ice cream for breakfast (just kidding Lori) but all my plans fell through. Our brand new (well for us any way) van was still in the shop today so I ended up being the chauffeur for every one in my entire family.(All 5 adults) So poor Hawking and Liberty (my daughter) ended up in and out of the non air conditioned car all day long.

I understood that would be enough to make any one cranky so I decided since it's like a million degrees out today, I would get out my little inflatable pool.

I pulled the dirty thing out of the garage, and with the help of my mom washed it out and started filling it up. Hawking decided it would be awesome to pick up the hose and squirt me with it. Fortunately I have super fast Mommy reflexes and caught him before he made it past my feet.

I let him know that playing with the hose was not an option (the pool was on the driveway by the open garage) and I put it back in the pool.
I failed fantastically at not nagging and reminding. I should have just taken him back in the house but his poor cheeks were so red and he had been in the hot car all day so I gave him many chances.

Finally the pool was full. Liberty and Hawking were in their swim suits and in the pool. My mom was attempting to make sure Liberty didn't fall face down in the pool. (she's still little enough that she can't get back up by herself yet) and Hawking picked up the hose and sprayed Liberty in the face.(which was exactly what I was trying to avoid.) She was a trooper and didn't even fuss but I decided that enough was enough.

I took Hawking out of the pool and told him that he had to be done. I said "What a bummer! You sprayed Liberty in the face, you get to sit out here and watch her swim"

Practicably he began to cry. I gave him a hug and said "I understand that this makes you sad. I am sad that you can't swim anymore too. I love you very much"

My heart was breaking for him. I knew he had had a hard day and that he was hot. I wanted so badly to just let him back in the pool. I tried to find a way for him to "earn" his way back in but I knew in my heart the lesson would be better learned if he didn't get to participate any more for today. I made sure to "lock in the empathy" and "let the consequences do the teaching."


I really hope next time we swim, he remembers this lesson so I don't have to repeat it. There will be times when lessons have to be learned several times before they stick. Love and Logic teaches that we should give our children as many opportunities to fail as we can while the price tag is small so when they cost is high, they know how to think for themselves and make good choices.

The heart ache comes from denying our children their desires. We all want our children to be happy and do things they enjoy. The joy comes later when we see the lesson has been learned, our children are better for it and we are happier parents.

Happy Parenting!